Wednesday, September 20, 2017

And I couldn't do it.

I spent weeks building myself up, working on what I was going to say when I saw her and then the moment came. I saw her after the race was done, presumably walking back to her car. I tried smiling at her to see if there was any reaction, while at the same time trying to not look like a goofball smiling at her. There was not. She looked dejected. I had wanted to say hi and ask her how she did. It was on my tongue but I couldn't get it out because she looked like she wasn't having any of it. Based on her bib number, she missed out on a top five finish by a second. I don't know if a fifth place finish would have gotten her anything or not, but, in that brief moment, I could tell a positive outcome wasn't going to happen. So I chickened out.

said Tommy T. at 6:55 PM - #

Sunday, September 10, 2017

"That's when I realized it gets worse." They transferred my job to Kansas City, another flyover state. I had a month to decide if I'd stay in Wisconsin or move to Kansas. I did my research and found that cost of living is similar, except housing is slightly higher in Kansas and that Kansas City, MO is the worst city in America to date in and, as an atheist anarchist, those aren't very good odds, so I had to decline their offer of no raise at all and a small relocation bonus because I'm not a fucking moron.

I don't particularly want to be looking for a new job right now, when I'd actually prefer to continue shopping for a condo, but shit happens. So, I've got to find that little curly haired girl and try and fail to make something happen. Good timing, that.

I've got the chance to talk to the little curly haired girl at the 5K run at the campus where I work if she runs it this year. I haven't seen her since the run last year, so I'm not holding my breath, but, if I don't talk to her now, I'll never get my chance again. Good fucking timing, that.

said Tommy T. at 7:59 PM - #

Tuesday, July 04, 2017

"Maybe we'll see on the 4th of July"...

I'm keeping to my resolution of not dating and I feel terrible. Not because I'm not dating anyone,but because I don't feel bad that I'm not dating anyone. I'm pretty okay with not dating because I'm not all that attracted to anyone, but I feel bad about not being attracted to anyone. It feels like I should be, but I just can't give a shit about anyone because I don't share any real interests with anyone and because all the women my age treat me like nothing more than an anthropomorphic wallet, which makes me feel slightly less shallow about judging someone by their looks.
I looked up the girl I hoped to see every fourth of July earlier this year and I was glad to see that she's got a kid and what looks like a good life in Madison. I still wish I had tried talking to her even though it would have never worked out,but, man, it would have been awesome to go on a date with Liz. It would have been a colossal failure like all the rest, but at least I wouldn't be left wondering what if.

said Tommy T. at 10:01 PM - #

Friday, June 02, 2017

I did alright for my Toronto vacation.I did a week without a car easily using public transit, which has made coming home more difficult. I have to get used to the slower lifestyle of not having a subway, streetcars and busses to get me easily around.

I mostly kept to my travel rules of no regrets, no worries, and no fast food, except I've got one huge regret.I got lost looking for St Lawrence market in downtown Toronto and somehow came across Chuck Hughes, a favorite celebrity chef of mine, who was handing out sliders and Prince Edward Island potato salad and trying to sell people on vacations to Prince Edward Island. I massively regret not getting a photo with him, but I could only stand off to the side in awe, gawking like a tourist.

said Tommy T. at 12:10 PM - #

Saturday, May 27, 2017

I'm on vacation in Toronto, a place I've always wanted to visit. I'd heard it's like a clean New York. I've never been to New York,but this place is both massive and clean. Tomorrow I'm going to visit Degrassi Street, a place I've been fascinated with for fifteen years. I've seen all the episodes of the show and know more about it than a 36 year old man should. I had always thought that the show was pandering to demographics because there's always a token gay person or some ethnic person who doesn't really make an impact, but, after a couple days here, this place is extremely diverse. The neighborhood my airbnb is in I'm pretending is Hazel's neighborhood. My place is just off of Marlee Ave, which is a couple blocks from Reggae St. The main street between the two is littered with dispensaries and Jamaican curry shops, so I'm going to say she would be from here. I find myself going through different parts of town trying to figure out which character lives where. I'd still flip my shit if I ran into Spike, who I've read still lives here, or even Caitlin. The impetus behind this trip was to see Sigur Ros who made me cry the first time I heard their song in the Steve Zissou movie where they see the tiger shark for the first time. I'm hoping it's an intense emotional show.

Probably the weirdest thing I've gotten out of this vacation so far is wondering what life would have been like had I been born and lived here. I mean, I've used public transit almost exclusively to get around apart from walking and everything is different. No one acts "street" here, everyone is polite and I'm not sure if that's a systemic thing where they're not automatically considered criminals by police or if it's because everyone is taught to respect everyone else as a person here. I don't know,but I don't get the feeling here that everyone I walk past is afraid of me, which is weird and refreshing. I fall in love every time I ride the subway because there's always a woman sitting reading reading a book as the stations go by, almost completely oblivious to each stop while I'm looking up each time to count how many before I have to get off. If I lived here, in a place with a legit healthcare system and public transit that actually isn't a joke, I get the feeling that I'd be in a different place entirely.Housing here seems ridiculously prohibitive, though, and gentrification rampant as things expand, but I may well be in a better place to afford that in a different life. Maybe it's not worth considering "What if?" because there's no way I could wind up with Ellie because she is, in fact, a fictional character.

said Tommy T. at 9:17 PM - #

Sunday, January 01, 2017

2016 year in review

My resolutions last year included dating more, reading 30 books, drink less, eat better, and gardening. How'd I do? I did most of those things except the drink less one. I definitely need to drink less this year because I checked in over 400 unique beers on my beer check in app. The week long brewery tour of Michigan where I visited 20 breweries certainly helped that out. I definitely dated more, which I'm done doing.I've removed myself from the online dating apps because I'm tired and jaded from all the profiles that are exactly the same. "I'm an aspiring yogini", which I assume is code for "I'm a jobless bum with no realistic career aspirations". They then go on to say "My hobbies include Netflix, sarcasm, red wine and the Oxford comma." None of those are legitimate hobbies and I'm a little confused about the Oxford comma thing because, if they're such a proponent of it, they should be able to use it correctly, unless that's their sarcasm shining through. And they have to have at least one photograph of themselves on a beach at sunrise doing yoga holding "affluent white girl on a beach at sunrise" pose.

The few dates I went on weren't all that great. I learned that I need to be more choosy than "Oh, she's really cute" and I've got to trust what they've written about themselves less because often it's not all that truthful and they're all weirdly obsessed with Christmas,but not in a "let's celebrate the birth of your Lord and saviour" kind of way,but rather a "Crass consumerism is fun! It's our god given American duty to grease the wheels of the economy" kind of way.The biggest bummer is when they say they're a non smoker but then they smoke half a pack on a date because they used to smoke but they've quit and "The beauty of quitting is now that they've quit, they can have one because they quit". I'm done with it all, I want to try to meet someone in real life. As much as I miss having someone by my side, I've got to be less desperate to have that, so no more dating this year.

This year, I need to make some friends. I've lived here for over four years and don't really have much of friend circle. I'm kind of a hermit. I've got to get myself out there more. It certainly doesn't help that the bookstore I volunteered for closed its doors in mid-2016

When I was in college, I had this dream that my life would be really one day. I'd have a large circle of friends, I'd have dinner parties and viewing parties where we'd watch Hockey Night in Canada on Saturday nights. I'd like to try to actually make that happen. I really don't know how to even begin to make that happen, I'm sure it's going to be a lot of work, but it'll hopefully be worth it.

I've got to use my vacation time from work better. I was scrambling to use up days at the end of the year, so I've got to plan actual things. I've already begun to do that by purchasing a ticket to see Sigur Ros in Toronto, which I'm excited for.

I've set my book goal at 20 books this year. I did 30 last year and was able to complete that goal, but I wound up reading things just to read them. There's a couple that I barely remember reading after looking over my list. I read the first two Harry Potter books and didn't like them at all, but I told myself I'd read the first three, so I have to read the third one. Otherwise, I've got a large queue built up of books I've started that I should finish or most likely start again and then finish.

I bought a Japanese style daily planner as part of my planner for the year which I want to start using to do a bullet journal that'll hopefully keep me organized and on task better. I had a good year at work, but 2017 looks like it's going to be a lot of work. We've got a ton of PCs to replace, so I might wind up traveling for work again to knock out a few offices.

I need to cook more this year. I had been in the habit of just eating a protein shake for breakfast and dinner after working out every day, but I barely cooked, which is kind of sad for someone who has an extensive cooking magazine collection. I want to learn how to make pasta, pretzels and I've got to bake more, start learning how to make homemade breads and pastries. I'd like to get comfortable enough to do a beef wellington for Christmas this year. I did a turkey for the first time in 2016 and turned its carcass into stock which made delicious reinvigorating soup. I somehow managed to stop drinking coffee at work in 2016, which made me far less cranky every day, which is a great thing and I feel like it made my head a little less foggy. So I want to keep that up and start cooking more often and eating better, which should be pretty achievable.

said Tommy T. at 4:02 PM - #

Sunday, December 11, 2016

My 18th birthday was the best birthday I ever had.

Earlier in the week,it had snowed, but the day of my birthday was warm enough to have me wear shorts. At the time, I had been volunteering at the local Boys and Girls Club everyday after school as a way to get me out of my house away from my family and that had apparently impressed a girl I who I went to school with who also volunteered there a few days a week. She walked home with me when I stopped to drop off my stuff and then told me she was buying me supper at the Taco John's on the way to volunteering. Being an 18 year old and convinced I was a piece of crap who no girl could possibly be interested in, I had no idea what was going on. I didn't feel comfortable having her buy me dinner, so Ionly ordered a couple churros, which she laughed at. It was still pretty awesome, eating churros and talking with a cute girl on my birthday, a feat that hasn't really been repeated since then.

I had been hoping that turning twice eighteen would potentially have history repeating itself. I went out for post work drinks with workmates at the restaurant in my building, which turned out to be an awful idea. I got to see women I had been crushing on either with or talking about their boyfriends, which is largely my own dumbass fault for not doing anything to make something happen.

Working off a hangover, I really didn't want to do much the day of my birthday, but I managed to make it to the co-op baracross the street for their showing of Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster, hoping to see a familiar face. Not this time, so the rest of the afternoon was spent with hockey, pizza, and a too sweet mead beer, lamenting the fact that a large snow storm was rolling in just in time for my birthday.

Twice eighteen turned out to not be much more than just a day,nowhere near as good as eighteen was, but, then again,few are.

said Tommy T. at 8:28 PM - #

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Trip to Philadelphia area was mostly successful.The work part went far better than anticipated. I didn't get to hit up the famous cheesesteak place because I didn't feel like driving into the city after a day of work. I wasn't up for fighting traffic. Philly pizza company no longer exists. I knew Zipperhead was gone, so my hopes of walking there to meet a girl who almost knocked me dead were dashed ahead of time. The guy I work with suggested a popular brewpub for supper Thursday night, which I tried but gave up on because it was far too busy and too hip to get service. I knew I was in trouble when the twenty-something goth girl handed me the drink menu and looked at me the way that only a twenty-something goth girl can look at a mid-thirties guy with a John Lydon pin on his jacket. It's a look I haven't gotten for a while, the "look at this poseur right here" look. But this was the week of Fest, the biggest punk festival of the year, so don't give me that look when we're both not at Fest. When it became clear that I wasn't about to get served, I went for the little, unassuming brewpub with good beers and good food a half mile away and not too much traffic because you're to going to find the place unless you're looking for it. I skipped lunch that day so that I could get ahead and finish early Friday, so I was hungry and ordered what seemed like a lot of food. The dude delivering my food suggested it was enough to feed four people. I would say it could potentially feed two people who weren't super hungry. Cheesesteak eggrolls are pretty much awesome, I can say that with confidence after that meal. I particularly appreciated when the cook ran out to the television and said "All right, we're watching the Flyers game now!" because I had hoped to be at that game,but my skipping lunch proved to only exhaust me more that day.

said Tommy T. at 12:30 PM - #

Monday, October 17, 2016

I got to see Wil Wheaton and Sean Astin tonight at a political rally, which I normally wouldn't have gone to because, this late in the game, I'm well aware who I am or am not voting for, but I've been waiting years to gt to meet Wil and thank him. There was an article in this small independent magazine about Linux that Wil wrote that got me to try it on my home PC. Playing around with that really got me excited about messing around with computers and got me to seriously think about going to school that. It's largely because of that article that I have a job and a life today.

After their spiel was over, everyone rushed Wil to get photos and talk about games. I felt bad for Sean Astin because not many took photos with him. I don't do photos and I don't know what to say to Sean Astin besides "Nice job in Goonies". I didn't opt for the photo with Wil because I felt like everyone was really crowding him and from what I've read on his blog he doesn't like that. He didn't stick around very long, so I couldn't get an autograph or talk to him, which just means I've got to brave going to Gencon someday.

said Tommy T. at 7:22 PM - #

Friday, October 07, 2016

My work trip to Pennsylvania won't include the Flyers/Jets game I was hoping to catch because my boss wants the work done sooner than that. Everything is booked and set. I could still see aFlyers game, but I'm on the fence about it because I don't know how that week is going to go. My flight lands in Philadelphia at 9am that Monday and I don't know how long it'll take to get from the airport to the suburbs at 9am on a Monday. I don't know how many PCs I can bang out on the first day, but I figure I can finish one in 45 minutes. I've got 28 PCs to do over five days. The game I would go to is on Thursday. If everything goes well, I could be done by Thursday, meaning I could drive into town,catch the game, get a cheesesteak, stop at the Philly Pizza Company, order a hot tea and then head back to my hotel in Delaware to finish up on Friday in preparation of flying home.

I'm pretty nervous about the whole thing because I've never been to the east coast, so I don't know what to expect of the people, of the food, of the weather. I hear their sports fans are among the rudest in all of sports, which makes me skeptical of wanting to see a Flyers game. I want to see if I can find a Brashear jersey,though. I can pretend to be a Flyers fan for a night to protect my safety. The problem is, I'd be chancing that the whole week goes pear shaped and I'm way behind on Thursday, making me late for the game and making parking impossible and then being useless to finish up on Friday when we'll do our disposal run for the old PCs. There's a lot of prep work to take care ahead of this, just typing this out gave me more ideas of things I have to square away in the coming weeks. It's going to be a lot of work and hopefully a lot of fun. I'm trying to scope out food and breweries,but apart from the required Tony Luke's cheesesteak, nothing sounds like I can't miss it.

said Tommy T. at 9:22 PM - #

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