Sunday, June 14, 2009

I've kind of always wondered to myself who in hell goes on a picnic for a date. I mean, I've got this image in my head of people actually doing it and I can picture them having the goofy looking basket and they've got the blanket, which is that red and white plaid kinda pattern and they're sitting underneath the shade of a tree. I don't know where that picture in my head came from but I surely got it from somewhere since I can picture what the blanket even looks like. So, seriously, who does that kind of shit?

Apparently, I do. I woke up yesterday needing to find that really great idea of something to do in the afternoon since it wasn't quite decided yet what we should do. Laying there in bed, that idea came to me. But problem number one is where do you picnic baskets? Someone's definitely got to sell them but I've never seen them anywhere and I've never seen anyone buy one. I don't know any anthropomorphic bears who could tell me where I could score a picanic basket, so where do you go? I figured if there's one place that'll have them, it would be Target. Picnic baskets just seem like their kind of thing because I can totally picture a commercial with a woman in some white dress with red targets on itt carrying a basket skipping along to the beat of a poorly redone Beatles cover. And they didn't fail me. I was still pretty skeptical of this being an actual good idea because I kind of felt pretty dorky when I picked up the basket, so I said to myself I wouldn't actually do this unless I could find the blanket. I turn around and look down and see large blankets. A lame blue one and a red and white kinda plaid thing. I was convinced then that this was officially a great idea.

Because I was so excited about this being a great idea, I left earlier than I needed to and got to the Walmart I told her we should meet at a half hour early. A half hour of sitting there second guessing myself, thinking that this may just be really lame and dorky. When she got there, I initially got a feeling of dread with the butterflies that come whenever I see her because, man, did she ever look cute in that Morrissey shirt and her new glasses. When I told her why we were at Walmart, that I had a picanic basket in my car and we needed food to put in it, she seemed excited about it, which was a pretty great relief.

I cannot possibly put into words how awesome this picnic idea turned out. We had been there for maybe a half hour talking and I was panicking and looking away every time I looked into her eyes because I was so nervous, but then the LARPers showed up. We weren't quite sure what these people were doing right away but when I thought I heard the guy mention armor, "He just said something about armor! They're LARPers!" They didn't quite have the elaborate costumes but they did have the large foam swords and no lightning bolt casting mages, much to my chagrin. I was really hoping to see some grown adult male throwing foam NERF darts while saying lightning bolt. Even without that, it was still pretty hilarious. "That guy's got a bow and arrow!" "I like her dress" We watched all this, laughing, for an hour and a half. When the one nerd guy said "This is the perfect day.", all I could think was "You have no idea." The only way it could have possibly been any better was if Lou Reed and all his friends except Bono came out from behind a tree and serenaded us.

At the movie, when she put her hand on the cupholder thinger, there was a pretty classic debate in my head: "Go for it! Hold her hand, she wants you to!" "But what if she doesn't?" "Look, don't be an asshole. Do it!" "But what if my hand gets all sweaty?" "God damn it! Go for it! You very nearly suggested sitting in the doublewide fat person seat so that there wouldn't be a cupholder thing dividing you, but you wimped out there. Don't do it again!" Hesitation won out again.

#1 is done. I couldn't feel my legs for a half hour.

said Tommy T. at 3:27 PM - #

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