Friday, January 08, 2016

Going over my finances this week while daydreaming about getting a condo, I realized I socked away aroun $15,000 last year. Had I not gone to Quebec, that number would be closer to $20k. I'm still not used to the whole being middle class thing. Having lived poor in my twenties and then living on as little as possible in my early thirties to pay off hospital bills as quickly as possible, I'm used to getting by on as little as possible. I don't know if I should continue that, live in my shitty little place in Riverwest with my messy brother, perhaps testing the waters of investing in stocks, or go balls deep into mortgage debt and live potentially irresponsibly. It seems like the best bet, the safe bet, is to continue in Riverwest, socking away money and getting basics in order, so that when it's time to move into my Fortress of Solitude, I've got something ready. I'm tired of waiting, though. That most recent foray into dating showed me just how retarded my experience and growth in that area is. So much so, that I REALLY don't want to even attempt it again because it's fucking humiliating to admit that I have no clue what it is I'm doing or how I really just want to hold their hand because ain't no one trying to do that with me. Maybe to just get experience, I should go on dates with people I have no interest in whatsoever? No, I've tried that, it's a bad idea. I tried that with the lady who had just turned 40 and had a five uear old kid with vision issues such that his depth perception was fucked. Fortunately, she was a decent parent and didn't introduce me to her kid over the course of two dates. I found that because I was just going out with her to get some practice, I really didn't give much of a shit of how anything went down and I wasn't really trying. I just wanted it to end because I didn't really want to be around this person and I wasn't particularly having fun. It really felt awful being there. So I don't think that kind of experience will be of any help in future endeavors except to know when I'm not really interested in being there. So it seems the only way to get any useful experience is to try to find someone whom I can see myself building something with, which is only going to lead to me getting hurt because people are invariably fucked up and deceitful about their motives in dating and I don't want to be one of them by simply going out with someone for the express purpose of gaining some experience.

said Tommy T. at 8:03 PM - #

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