Sunday, February 15, 2015

I swear that when I buy tickets for events, they must put a disclaimer up that the guy sitting in this seat smells bad or something because the three seats to my right for Alton Brown were vacant. The three seats to my right at the hockey games are also always vacant, which is handy when I want to bring a friend to a game, but also only helps to fuel my paranoia.

I wound up inviting my brother's friend to come along in the morning while I was trying to find a place where he might eat at. Dude's reply was "Who?"

I was resigned to the fact that it was of my own volition that I was going to this thing alone. I purchased two tickets over eight months ago and I didn't actually try inviting another human. This was entirely all my fault. I only actually sent a message to one person on the shitty free online dating site. This was the only person I had seen that didn't have meaningless bullshit phrases like "I like to travel" or "I like to have fun and binge watch series on Netflicks on my weekends. lol" I've still never met a person that actually hates traveling, so that means bullshit to anybody that can think critically and if your idea of having fun is sitting around your house all weekend watching all four seasons of Dinosaurs while eating countless gallons of Pirate's Booty ice cream, I have to assume that you're at least fifty pounds heavier than that picture whose datestamp is 2008. This lady who I messaged included that she liked the music of The Gories, The Dirtbombs and other punk and roll bands that I've never seen any woman admit to to even knowing. And her favorite foods included "my momma's homemade tamales". Boom. Sold. She looked really cute in her profile picture posing with Crispin Glover, in which she seemed giddier than any human probably should be around Crispin Hellion Glover.My message to her wasn't particularly witty, so naturally that was one that just went out into the ether never to be replied to. And right about there is where I gave up. This shit isn't worth the effort, no matter how half-assed it is to do online dating.

During the second act of the show, my buddy moved to one of the vacant seats to our right to facilitate easier beer purchases. And a girl who looked like she could have been the sister of the cute girl at work sat next to him. Motherfucker. Imagination goes into overdrive. If this asshole who, a few hours earlier didn't even know who Alton Brown was finds a date after purchasing a shitty IPA beer while I've held these tickets for eight months, there's going to be a riot up in this bitch. Someone's yelling fire in this crowded theater. Fortunately, that was just my broken brain being a scumbag and we finished our night trying to get white girl wasted.

said Tommy T. at 10:32 AM - #

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