Thursday, February 28, 2013

I spend my time getting psyched up to this song, telling myself we might die, but I think that's the point, so so what to get myself to make a move. I'm at the point where I feel like I need to make some kind of real move so that I can stop wondering gee, does this girl think I'm cool? It's a colossally bad idea to make any kind of move, I understand that, but my mind fills in blanks otherwise. Like when I try to sneak by her without being seen, she makes sure to tell me hi. That really means nothing at all except she's being polite but I want to believe it's more than that. But I think I need to do something before she finally realizes that "hey, this guy's a bitch and isn't going to do anything, so I should stop paying attention to him." Is she wondering to herself why this guy doesn't ask her out? Shit, I don't know.

I try to think of witty things to say to make her laugh, but everything that I go over in my head immediately disappears the exact second I see her, which is kind of annoying. It's to the point where I generally forget everything she's said to me in our current conversation five seconds after she's said it. If I piece together the conversation in my head minutes later while criticizing myself, I can usually remember what was said and can relentlessly harass myself about where I fucked up. I wonder if my nervousness is obvious and she knows and revels in the fact that she's able to do that to someone.

said Tommy T. at 1:49 PM - #

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