Friday, February 01, 2013

How do you tell someone that it makes your day to see them and talk to them because, some days, she's the only person that actually says a word to you? It would be a tremendously bad idea to tell her that, though, because I'm not the person she wants to hear that from, I know that.
I found myself looking at the orange hair dye I used to use, wondering if it's something I could do again. I mean, the less cute receptionist has red hair, why can't I have orange? It's been about nine years since the last time I did it and I still remember the steps involved. Get the super high powered hair bleach, I seem to remember the number 120 or something like that, mix it together and brush it on after putting on a shirt or towel that you don't give a shit about, put in a 90 minute movie(I chose Little Nicky, but just about any Adam Sandler movie will do). You'll need that movie to help you ignore the ammonia smell and the burning feeling of the bleach going into your scalp. Wash it out with warm water, then brush the color in. Let it sit for a half hour. Wash out with cold water and then use conditioner because your hair is fried. Take a picture because it's only going to stay that bright for a little while. and then every time you wash your hair now, you have to do it with cold water so that the color doesn't fade terribly. This is experience talking, I need the 90 minute bleach because my hair isn't white enough after the box suggested 60 minutes. If it's not light enough, the color won't take and your blue color will fade to booger green tomorrow. They have a color called napalm orange now that looks a little less intense which I would consider if I were to go through with this.
I've given thought to why I want to do this again and it's because I want to feel good about myself again. I like the way I looked with orange hair. I felt it suited me. I don't like the way I look with brown hair. I liked the time I went to the grocery store and the child said "Mommy! That boy has hair like Chuckie's!"I hoped he was referring to Rugrats Chuckie and not murderous doll Chuckie. I was reading a thread on the reddit about a woman who was considering breast enlargement to help her feel better about herself and the general sentiment was that's a good thing. While it made me sad that I have to live in this world where someone feels like they need to go to such great lengths to be noticed and feel better, I can relate. Dyeing my hair orange accomplishes the same thing much less invasively. I have zero confidence right now and I think there's a good chance traffic cone orange hair would help change that. Why bright hair makes me feel better, I don't understand, but I think it has to do with the fact that I realize that I'm terribly ugly and not pleasant to look at, but, because orange hair stands out, my being shamefully ugly becomes your problem and not mine.
I'm afraid orange hair will have to remain a pipe dream because I'm still looking for a permanent job and orange hair would be more off putting than when I say "I had to leave that job because I had a stroke and can't use my left hand". It's always interesting to notice how the whole tone of the interview changes after that, even though that was the best possible thing that could have happened because I hated that job more than I hate myself. My life fell the fuck apart as a result, but that was the weeding out I needed done in my life. I'm in a far better position at this point because of it. If I can ride this out for a few years, it's my springboard to Seattle or someplace with a more temperate climate.

said Tommy T. at 1:46 PM - #

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