Saturday, August 11, 2012

I've lived here nearly a week and need to explore more to figure this place out. When I was in Seattle, sleeping in my car, I woke up and walked until I nearly passed out, got food and walked more. I hoped by this time I'd have a great coffee place picked out, but I've been slacking and have stuck with the one around the block because it's not a long walk and I won't get lost. Months ago, I looked it up on google maps and found the school I parked at, the donut shop that was featured on unique sweets that I walked to. I traced those steps on google maps and found out it was a god damned long walk uphill. I don't think I can walk like that anymore, not safely anyways. My phone's GPS took me to a coffee place two miles away earlier in the week until I realized there's a location around the block. It was an interesting two mile walk to the lake, but the walk home got interesting when my phone died. Looking for familiar street names kind of sucks ass when they all could be familiar but aren't really. I figured, as long as there was a golf course or people sitting on the porch listening to NPR, I wasn't in a part of town where I'll die. My objective for the day is to find a good coffee place within reasonable walking distance. The problem with this current one is that they roast their beans here and you nearly need ear protection to drown out the sound of machines. I don't like that the clientèle consists largely of women with three year old children, either. The roasting machines seem to intrigue the kids the way the cheese curd machines used to intrigue me at the cheese factory. It's also very mustachey in this place. The dudes look like my friend Ed from the Elbow Room, which would be okay because I like Ed, but these dudes aren't hilarious alcoholics, they're hipsters. And the orders are all "soy, mocha frappe". Three words to order coffee isn't my thing. I'm happy the women know how to say frappe instead of calling it a frop. I've got a picture in my head of what I want in my ideal coffee place. I regard this kind of thing as somewhat of a religious experience and take it very seriously. I don't like yuppies having to say a lot of words for coffee. The more words you have to say, the bigger the asshole you are. If you make up words for sizes like "venti", you're an asshole. I want a place with televisions playing Saturday morning cartoons on Saturdays. Do those even exist anymore? I'm sure Adventure Time is playing on some channel at this hour or any hour. If not, a Roku or slingbox can cheaply make that happen. With some ingenuity and technical knowhow, one could make one of those devices for basically nothing with mythtv, which was my ideal house setup before my life fell apart. I was thinking that perhaps what I'm looking for is a cereal bar, but google tells me Milwaukee is lacking one of those. Untapped market? They're not going to give startup capital to a stroke victim with no real business experience, right? They probably won't appreciate loaning money to a place with a rule that states the baristas have to be cute, as decided by a panel of judges, as I'm unable to say "Hey, that guy's cute, he'll bring in female customers!"And an interesting idea I've held for years that I would love to see implemented somewhere is bring your own record night. Bring in a record, put it on the turntable an no one has veto power unless you're bringing in something like Skrewdriver. No sad bastard music, either! The dive bar down the street incorporated movie night, playing Waters' Pink Flamingoes last night. I wanted to go, but the bring your own seat thing concerned me and the walk at 11:00 at nigh alone makes me very nervous and my circadian rhythm doesn't work with being awake at that hou these days.

said Tommy T. at 9:54 AM - #

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