Monday, July 23, 2012

The question that throws me in interviews these days isn't the one asking why are there manhole covers because, it turns out, I was right when I said it was to prevent people from falling in. I wish now I had said to prevent people from falling into shit. The one that got me was "What would be your ideal position right now?" Okay, if we're playing makebelieve, is this a world where I don't have a stroke arm? Because, if we're fantasizing about the perfect world, that's how it would be and, in that world, I wouldn't be in a bank named after Jake the Dog's video game console getting interviewed by James William Bottomtooth III. In that ideal world, I'd be completely clueless about computers and wouldn't know that an ethernet cable is called an ethernet cable, I'd be the mouthbreather that called it an internet hose. In that ideal world, my dad didn't talk me out of going to culinary school because that's what gay people do. I guess if we're talking an ideal world where I have to live with a stroke arm, I'd be working for a non-profit so I don't have to deal with the rumor mill "they're shopping around our facility and we could close any day" bullshit. I'd be helping people fix their issues because I like to fix problems, particularly when the solution isn't simply plugging it in or turning it off and on again. I'd live alone in in those nice looking apartments we were looking at that are close to the hockey arena and they wouldn't charge $100 to park my car. But, if ideal doesn't mean pretendland where things are good, ideally I'd have a fucking job, period, and wouldn't have to beg some clueless H.R. person to give me a living.

said Tommy T. at 12:58 PM - #

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