Thursday, December 22, 2011

While patrolling the void, I found my way to the first circle and I ran into Joe Strummer, nine years exactly since he died.
"What in the hell, no pun intended, are you doing here, Joe?"
"All the coolest people are here, where else would I be? Besides, did you listen to Cut the Crap? That one did me in."
"Yeah, it sucked, but it certainly isn't worth eternal damnation!"
"Straight to hell, boy."
And then he played my favorite Clash song ever."Thanks, Joe. That was always my favorite, but I never expected it to be literal."
"Well, it's all for the better. I get to visit Woody every week."
"Wood's here, too?"
"You jam Woody? No one does that!"
And I had to show him my tattoo.
"You ever killed a man?"
"No one besides myself, Joe."
"You a fascist?"
"No, I just couldn't take it anymore. I lost everything."
"YOU lost everything? I fronted the greatest band ever and I didn't give up even when that ended."
"Sorry, Joe, I had enough. You're clearly a better man than I and I'm not afraid to admit that. But, really, 'My body, my choice.'"
"You don't really believe that applies to you, do you? Because it doesn't, you have balls, it's not your choice at all. You don't have a choice in the matter. What you did was selfish."
"Yeah, that's what everyone was saying, but isn't it selfish to make me stay in a place that I really don't want to be?"
"No, you've got to be better than that."
I showed him that I'm number 2 and he showed me his number which is in the billions and I told him about my personal quest to find number one. "It's tough, Joe. I lost it all over the course of a year. My job, my girl, my passion. All I had left wasn't worth keeping."
"Your girl?"
"Yeah, I didn't treat her right. I fucked up bad. Really bad. In the end, she wanted to move to a new place and I wasn't in it.I hate moving more than anything because it reminds me how much crap I have. So I didn't help much with the move, which helped push her to the edge. I should have said something, but she wanted to move so I didn't have to navigate stairs with my gimp status. She had good intentions. That's not the whole reason she gave up, but I tell myself it certainly didn't help."
"Your passion?"
"I loved to cook. With my gimp status, it became a huge burden and I began to really hate it."
"You lost your job because of your gimp status, too, I suppose?"
"Yeah, for the most part, but I hated that job. It was just a paycheck and decent benefits. Career Opportunities and all."
"Okay, so you didn't want your job back, then. Did you want your girl back?"
"Not really. Her friends and family all hate me almost as much as I hate me, so it wouldn't work ever again."
Joe then showed me a trick that I never want to see again. It's one of those things designed to make hell a place of real torment and anguish. Turns out we can see people on earth, much like watching a television, the Truman show or something. He showed me how she was doing. Quite well for being trapped in central Wisconsin because of me. Plugging away and doing her best at taking claims from gimps like me.
And then Hank Williams pulled up in his baby blue Cadillac. He stepped out carrying his guitar in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. He and Joe started playing sad songs while passing the bottle back and forth. Joe went into No Children and I screamed along with the lyric I am drowning, there is no sign of land! You are coming down with me! Hand in unlovable hand! I hope you die, I hope we both die and I grabbed that fucking bottle and took a pull.
"You think you'll see her again?"
"No, she'll make the cut. I spent my last days avoiding any place where she might even possibly be, which was a pain, but not as painful as seeing her again."
And Joe asked if I was supposed to be there. "Probably, but they told me they weren't ready for me, so it was a bit of a clusterfuck at first."
"I've got to check something with Jimi." And he disappeared, leaving me to hang with Hank Williams, whose number was also in the billions. Good times. Hank's got some good fucking firewater in that Cadillac. Unfortunately, I've got little musical talent so he went on his way to sing with Leadbelly.

said Tommy T. at 9:03 PM - #

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