Friday, December 30, 2011

I guess it's that time to form resolutions for the coming year. I don't like these kind of things because they become a reminder a what I didn't accomplish over twelve months. I didn't accomplish much over this twelve month cycle apart from fucking up everything that I touched and I want to forget that as much as possible, but I haven't found the way to do that. Drowning sorrows in alcohol doesn't seem to work anymore. Not that it ever did, but I liked to try to fool myself into believing it.

A year ago, I never thought I'd have to be resolving to do this, but I want to get my hand back to normal. I feels weird these days, it feels like it's clenching down when it's not. I don't think that means it's getting better, despite using my glove contraption that's supposed to fix things. I want to be able to use the rowing machine at the gym because it looks like fun. I can't say that about any other machine there, which all look like they hurt and they all do. I want to get myself up to 70 pounds of resistance on the ab machine. I started at 20 and am up to 40 now, which hurts a whole lot. I make sure not to leave until I have sweat going down my back every day. The incline treadmill helps a lot with that when I put it on what I call the Seattle setting. You climb a hill and then there's another fucking hill 30 seconds later. I attribute most of my weight loss to that thing. 138 pounds as of this morning, I still want to shed 8 more pounds to get back to normal. I've got bones again, ribs and a collarbone, which makes me happy. If I can get my hand functioning again, I can start using the upper body machines so I can get ripped like the guy in the Shrute Farms Beets shirt. I also want to be able to safely ride a bike again. I use the bikes at the gym, which works out okay when I can get my foot to cooperate and not kick out when I'm pedaling. When my balance gets good enough, I want to skate again and I'd like to do some geocaching. I'd have to dust off the GPS and make sure it still works, but that shit was fun while I did it.If I can get myself to the point of using the rowing machine, I figure I can do some kayaking or canoeing, which I thought about when I was dying in the hospital. I did it when I was in high school in gym class and I loved flipping the kayak, much to the chagrin of my buddy Mike who was in the other seat. I should find Mike, he dropped out at the beginning of the fourth quarter our senior year. I never understood that.
I need to lose some more weight to fit into some pants that haven't fit for a while. I always hated people who made resolutions to lose weight, but now I'm one of them. I'd like a flat stomach, but I eat, so I don't think it's possible. Perhaps if I can get my metabolism back it'll happen.
I want to be drug free for the year. I haven't taken any medications for over a month now and I haven't died yet. Coming off of anti-depressants really sucked. It made me very anxious and I almost bothered Hanna until I realized that would end very, very badly.
I want to get back to Fest in October. I think to make that happen, I have to finish my computer certifications that I've been meaning to do for the past couple years. I don't want to do it, but if Satan is making computer work my life sentence, then it's what I have to do.I need to move out of my place into a new city. There's too many memories in this place, some good, a lot of them painful, all of them I want to forget.
I want to start making my own pizza at home. Nothing here compares to Sal's in Appleton. Pizza Fridays are starting to suck. No pizza I try is all that good these days, they either have shittySt. Louis style crust or bad toppings. I want to perfect a Philly cheesesteak pizza, one that doesn't include a ton of provolone cheese because that stuff is horrible. Every cheesesteak pizza I've had tastes like someone vomited cheesesteak onto focaccia. If I can perfect a good cheesesteak pizza, I can go about figuring out how a burrito pizza will work and if a poutine pizza is viable.
I've been tossing around the idea of getting a plot at a local community garden and growing som vegetables. I've got some varieties of tomatoes picked out already and I'd like to do some purple or red carrots and I'd like to do some okra so I can have fried okra like I had in Tennessee at the soul food restaurant.
I think that's twelve months worth of shit. The worst is going to be getting my hand to work again, I think, because it hasn't been working for so long. Hercules himself had to overcome something very similar, so this is officially a hero's trial, akin to cleaning the Aegean stables. In his book, he says it only took him eight years to get back to normal. I don't have that kind of time, I'm still going to die the day I turn 40, so eight years is too long to achieve normalcy.
Unfortunately, until I get my hand working, culinary anything is all but out of the question. I managed to tie a tie one handed last night, which surprised the shit out of me. The hardest part was re-buttoning the button on the collar with one hand, which took twice as long as getting the tie right.

said Tommy T. at 5:07 PM - #

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