Monday, June 20, 2011

So I recently did another stint in the local-ish hospital for some super rare pneumonia and, let me tell you, I never want to go to another hospital ever again after that shit. They were so bound and determined to raise the sodium levels in my blood that they over-salted all my food. By that, I mean, there was a thick salt mush in the bottom of my carrots. Who the fuck salts carrots? As a result of this, I could literally not taste food for god knows how long, since I was so out of it that I had no sense of time for literally weeks. Upon getting out, my first meal was pizza which tasted so good that I had to put that first slice down and weep. The only upside which is kind of a downside for someone who has 20 pounds to lose, is that everything tastes amazing right now, as though I were eating it for the first time. Salsa: like an explosion of flavor in my mouth, Wheaties: I haven't wanted Wheaties for over 20 years(Michael Jordan was still on the box then, along with possibly Joe Montana and Bo Jackson. Gretzky was never on the box to my knowledge, so completing the Prostars trifecta was impossible) , but I suddenly got the craving for them.

My troubles all began when I had my steroid that they're making me take backed off. If doctors ever offer you steroids, tell them to fuck off, they fuck you up bad and they're not offering you the Barry Bonds 'roids, but rather ones that completely drain your testosterone. When they back you off that shit, if they do it too fast, it messes with you. They tell me I had a seizure, but not what you're thinking of. I had weird hallucinations. I mean, I thought I quit my job and was instantly offered one paying $80,000 a year. Yeah, I was crazy. Full on. At about this time, I started trying to get into Dungeons and Dragons, which I'm still working on because I'm still a giant nerd. I'm currently working on a campaign reflecting my most vivid hallucination. I thought I found one of the cancer kids to play D&D with. One of the Ronald McDonald House kids. He made a Minotaur warrior armed with a large battle axe and tattered red pants and devilish red eyes, named Peepoo. We played for weeks, getting other cancer kids to join in when they could. Imagine how shitty and scary it was to have my girlfriend tell me none of this happened. I refused to believe her at first, but I've gotten used to the idea. Like I said, though, I'm working on a campaign whose main bad guy is Peepoo the delusional, which I'll finish as soon as I can get a grasp on the mechanics of all this shit. If you've got any pointers, let me know. Once I can find a decent gaming group, I'll test out the power of Peepoo's delusions and share more delicious pizza with me.

said Tommy T. at 2:53 PM - #

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