Thursday, July 23, 2009

I'm not sure why or where it came from, but for some reason self-doubt reared its ugly head again last night. It could be that I've quit smoking for three weeks now, save for the few I bummed from my friend while out drinking last Friday, or it could be that I'm not sleeping well this week because when I carry the work pager, I sleep very lightly knowing that at any moment it could go off because someone forgot their password or spilled soda on their keyboard or just plain forgot how to do their job. It may well be because I'm stressed out about this weekend, which I'm pretty sure I have no reason to be. The place is nice and tidy, save for those last couple bags destined for Goodwill tonight. I mean, I cleaned the place up and down. Well, mostly down, because the highest ups require the use of a ladder to reach and the yoga isn't helping much with my poor balance so far(Rodney Yee is a bitch). But I cleaned the low parts, probably well enough where if my mom saw it, she wouldn't declare it not good enough and then throw everything all over the place and make me do it again.

So I don't know why it came back hard, but it did, whispering in my ear about how I'm not good enough and I suck at my job and a myriad of other things that need not be repeated.

For the most part, it's been gone since the first time I went to Green Bay and I very nearly turned around just past Weyauwega because I was convinced there was no way she was showing up and so I might as well save the gas and turn around now. But as I passed the exit ramp, it went away. I still had a half hour or so left to drive but the rest of the way I was okay. I think Joan Jett might have had something to do with it. Every time I go up to Green Bay, I hear Joan Jett on the radio at least twice. So maybe I need to Joan Jett record. Maybe I could steal the one I got my brother for Christmas where she covers my favorite song of all time, ever.

said Tommy T. at 8:44 AM - #

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