Friday, April 24, 2009

I think it's time to upgrade.

My phone holds a charge for about an hour of talking. Six year old phones have a way of doing that, I think. So I went in to pay my bill and look at the next generation of these damned devices. The sales lady saw me perusing them and swarmed in like a fly to shit. "Are you looking for anything special today? One that has a camera maybe?"

"No, I've got a camera for that. I just want one that makes phone calls and text messages once in a while."

"Well, these have bluetooth!", as though that were a selling point for me.

"Look, I only just about a month ago figured out how the rapid text entry works on my current phone. I don't need the thing to make toast for me... Actually, I don't have a toaster yet, so maybe one that makes toast would be alright. But I'll settle for one that can have mp3 ringtones so that when The Neil calls, it'll play Mr. Smiley or when Brent calls, it'll play Porchlight or when Jay calls it'll play the snippet of that Dennis Leary asshole song where he talks about parking in handicapped spaces and watching all the handicapped people make handicapped faces because that's the funniest lyric ever and Jay calls a lot."

So she says, looking a little sad after realizing that I'm probably not going a $250 Blackberry phone, "Well, all our phones do that..."

Time to upgrade my apartment. The fortress of solitude is great, except that it's drafty and smells like dust when the heat kicks in and costs well over $200 to heat in the winter months, even with that seran wrap crap over the windows(and that's keeping it at a balmy 57°). At that price point, combined with my rent, I can live in a pretty damned swank place more deserved of the fortress of solitude name. And maybe I won't have to shovel a driveway anymore by myself because the people I share the duplex with are too lazy to pick up a shovel.

Time to upgrade myself. It started pouring rain while I was walking to work, 3/4 of the way there. That really menacing looking gray cloud that I figured was far enough away definitely wasn't. Time to run. I made it two and a half blocks before I couldn't run anymore. I was soaked to the bone, so why bother running anyways? I can't get any more wet. Then it rained even harder, so I held up my arms and let out a "YEAH!" because I was laughing at my own stupidity and then the hail started. So I've got to put those new running shoes to use, get in shape so I don't get winded after a couple blocks of running. I'm not about to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to run like those crazy people because I like sleeping too much and the only way I'm going to run at that time is if some large animal is chasing me.

And is it time to shave the beard? Pick up the razor? Not while the Bruins are still in it. I mean, I don't want to get slapped with a fish

said Tommy T. at 9:16 AM - #

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