Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I went to my bar because it's buy-one-get-one shitty beer night in the hopes of drowning my sorrows in bad beer, as I'm prone to do. I get my coat off, put my smokes and my zippo down and say "two pbr's, please", which is, I believe, the correct verbage to get two beers. Turns out I'm wrong or magically started speaking Russian or some shit, because dude says "Who's the other one for?" I'm not bullshiting with this guy, so I tell him me. because "it's buy one get one night, right?" "You want two at the same time?" At this point, he's looking at me like Randal did in Clerks 2 when Elias was talking about Pillowpants and I'm getting a little annoyed because I just want to get my drink on. Is this guy fucking with me? Is he looking for a witty comeback? Which one do I use: "Shit, motherfucker, I've duct taped two 40's to my hands and finished 'em off before I pissed myself." or "Yes, I want two beers, I've been blessed with two hands. If I had a prehensile dick, I'd get three. But I haven't quite mastered that one yet."? No, neither of those is going to get me served, so a polite yes will suffice.

He hands me one and tells me he'll bring the other when I finish this one off. Poor bastard knows not who he's fucking with. This beer has seconds to live. Unfortunately, it takes him five minutes to stop watching the Dirty Jobs guy picking up raw sewage to notice I'm getting a little thirsty over here. Dude brings me the next one and then disappears.

By now I'm sick of the shitty 80's music that's on someone's ipod, so it's time to feed the juke because I walked outta work and I was tired as hell and I don't need to hear Duran Duran every other song. As I'm doing the internet search to see if this thing can get some Cobra Skulls or some 'Mats, dude comes over and asks if I put any money in because he can't turn this thing on until 9. Now I know this guy's fucking with me, because I've seen and heard this thing on before 9 before. Welp, I'm not sitting here until 9 listening to god damn Falco so I'm doing any more rounds of PBR because I want get the fuck outta here. I didn't want to finish off that one fast because I just chugged one, but then Bono started crooning about how he still hasn't found what he's looking for as I was putting on my jacket and that seals it. Good night.

What's the encore here, what's next? No, I don't think I really want to find that one out.

said Tommy T. at 8:37 PM - #

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