Tuesday, November 25, 2008

It takes a special kind of person to make me not want to go to a hockey game. Unfortunately, there exists just such a person in this town.

It should be a well known fact that my second favorite thing in the world is hockey, actually third, because #1, sleep, has two options, with someone else or alone. The "with someone else" doesn't happen often, so it's usually tossed aside. Anyhow, I'm a member of an elite group of jackasses known as The Rowdy Crowd whose job it is to heckle whomever is playing against the UW-Stevens Point hockey team. The numbers have dwindled down to damn near extinction this year, and it's about to become one less.

There's a girl who goes to the games who is far and away the most annoying girl I think I've ever met. Every time the puck gets brought into Point's defensive zone, she yells "Kill, kill, kill" as though it were a valid option. It wouldn't be so bad were it once a game or even once a period, but not every time on defense. And then there's her constant complaining about all the stoppages in play. Yeah, it annoys me, too, but it's certainly not the ref's fault the puck was brought in offside. And so, every week I get to explain how offside is when an offensive player crosses the blue line before the puck, which isn't difficult to understand if you watch the game. I mean, the right honorable governor from Alaska understands it, so pretty much anyone should be able to. You should especially understand it if you've been attending games for five years now. I also shouldn't have to explain weekly why, on a delayed penalty, the goalie of the team not about to receive a penalty leaves the ice. It should make perfect sense why when I tell you that when the team whom the penalty is against touches the puck, play stops and the penalty is assessed against them. Therefore, it's not really possible to have a goal scored against the non-penalized team, so the goalie comes out and another offensive player comes in in an effort to score a goal. Again, if you actually watched the game, rather than blabber on to me about how hawt you think the goalie is(because, apparently, it's important that I know that), it would make perfect sense.

The last straw came this week after the pep band played some Blink 182 song and joking yelled "Yeah! Punk rock!" and this person decided to try to give me a lecture during the whole of intermission about how it's not really fair to call a band like Blink 182 punk rock because they sound nothing like the Dead Kennedys. I'm not one to stand up for a band like Blink 182, though I do like their one song about Princess Leia and at that point in the first intermission (only...) I was so tired of her shit, that I didn't have it in me to ask her where bands like The Ergs!, Social Distortion, Teenage Bottlerocket, The Ramones and The Clash fit in to her definition of punk rock because The Clash sound nothing like Dead Kennedys, yet one of those bands is the only band that matters and one of them is hung on to by the very same nazi punks that band told to fuck off in one of their more popular songs.

So it's with a heavy heart that I hang up my traffic cone which is used as a voice amplifier to make opposing goalies cry and wet their pants and act like complete sieves.

said Tommy T. at 12:34 PM - #

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