Thursday, October 30, 2008

So I have to do this one today because I have a feeling the next few are going to be a whirlwind, leaving me hungover at least until Wednesday next week. It'll start with the shotgunned beer with some frieds I've never met, which I should be able to handle as long as the beer isn't too cold where it locks up my throat mid-can.

I have a request to make of you, Americans, and that's that, if you're voting, be smart about it. Do some research. If you're reading this shit, you obviously have access to one of the internets. These internets hold a wealth of information, some true, some false. It's your job to decipher but please do it. Don't not vote for someone because they might have been at one time a religion you don't like. I mean, if you're looking at religion as your sole basis for your choice, you might want to take into account that neither of them goes to church three times a week or more like you do.

And please don't try to use religion to hide your overt raciscm. I've read a little bit of your book in my day and that Jesus dude's whole message seems to be don't be a dick and, to be honest, you're blowing it. I don't know each candidates' stance on fried twinkies, but if you have four boobs, you should probably find out. Also, if you have four boobs, your god should probably not be your insurance policy. "The lord will take care of us" isn't a plan. There was a time in my life that I went to church, not voluntarily, mind you. But anyways, I recall a sermon one day that guy gave about an impending flood in mondern day america. There was a citizen that refused to leave his house when offered a bus ride to higher ground, saying "The lord will provide." The flood waters came, and a man in a boat came to help the gentleman. The gentleman refused, citing "The lord will provide." The flood waters got higher and the gentleman had to move to his roof. The national guard came to try to save him and the gentleman still refused to leave his house, again saying "The lord will provide." You probably see where this is going, but if you talk with an accent that lends itself to beginning or ending sentences with the word "Itellyawhat", you probably don't, so I'll help you out. The gentleman drown and in heaven asked god why he didn't save the man. Why didn't he provide? What do you think god said? He asked the man "What do you think I sent the bus and the boats were for?"

Don't not vote for a guy because "OMG! He's a European socialist!" It makes you sound like a giant asshole, just like Joe McCarthy. While we're on the subject of you hating socialism, you must have a bitch of a time getting places, seeing as you can't use roads or sidewalks because of your hatred or socialist programs. And having to empty the chamber pot every morning into the outhouse, man, that's hardcore, but foregoing indoor plumbing to stab socialism in its god damned Marxist heart is well and just. But for as dumb as you are, you must have gone to public school, so in your fight against socialism, you already lose. Sorry.

No, I want you to not vote for a guy because they're an asshole and voted to bail out other assholes who were foolish with their money or because they voted to not hold telecom companies liable for selling you out(FISA bill: Obama voted for it, he's a bitch. McCain abstained, he's also a bitch. Look it up). Don't be an asshole yourself and not vote for a guy because he might make teh gheys not second class citizens because maybe they shouldn't be second class citizens. Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness and all that jazz. I get it that you don't like to think about butt sex, neither do I. I also don't want to think about people with four boobs having sex, so they probably shoudn't, either. But that's not fair, right? So just don't think about other people having sex. That's easy enough.

I REALLY don't care who you pick because your one vote doesn't count any more than anyone else's but I have one more thing. Lastly, please don't use a computer to do your voting. They don't work. Initially, they blamed this on anti-virus software. The question that begs to be asked at this point is why do these machines need anti-virus software? Those things should be locked down harder and tighter than Fort Knox, rendering them impervious to viruses, making anti-virus software unneeded. Also, the software that these voting machines use is closed source, meaning no one can look at it to make sure nothing fishy is going on. That scares me. I'll use someone else's words to explain why, because they do it better than I:
"Computer do exactly what they're supposed to do, and if they're supposed to lie about who won an election, they will. We have no idea how the manufacturer, or anyone with physical access to the machine, may have rigged the election.

Most of the people are convinced at this point. Some are more knowledgable and ask things like 'Don't they check each machine and certify the code?'

Although they check the code, 'this check' consists people carefully looking at the code the computer is supposed to be running.

Which is fine, but then they just ask the computer if that's the code they're running. Which, obviously, the computer can lie about.

There are programs called rootkits, and their entire purpose is to lie during system checks, to present one set of files to be 'checked' and another set to actually run. This is how many viruses operate, presenting one set of files, without the virus, to the virus scanner, and actually executing another set with the virus. It would be easy enough to activate such a program on voting machines, and it would be undetectable without removing the hard drive to scan it in another machine.

Furthermore, remember those cards you carry to the voting machine? Anyone, before the election, could have used them to get such a rootkit onto the machine. Behind that pretty voting application is a standard Windows machine that can run all sorts of rootkits, and the code to write your own rootkit is readily available.

And all computer scientists understand this, that it is in fact a fundamental concept of computer security that there is no way to stop a computer from lying, even to itself. Computer programmers have cracked all the security protocols set up to keep us from copying CDs and DVD and satellite signals, and voting machine security is much much crappier."

So if the old lady at your polling place says you can use the computer, kindly tell her no thanks. If she insists, you tell her to fuck right off, because paper voting leaves what they call a "paper trail". Your vote could just as easily not be counted, but you've at least got some proof that your vote for turd sandwich, giant douche or none of the above went through.

Good luck.

said Tommy T. at 10:14 AM - #

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