Tuesday, September 16, 2008

It's my understanding that you're calling XM today to cancel your subscription to our service, is that correct, Mr. Tumult?

You bet it is.

May I ask why you're canceling today?

You may!

Why are you canceling today, Mr. Tumult?

I'm glad you asked! I turned on my radio today and what do I find? In your infinite wisdom, you've replaced your punk station, Fungus 53, the ONLY reason I subscribe to your service, with a 24 hour AC/DC station. Now, I'm not talking shit about AC/DC, but I've found that my interest in their music is directly proportional to how much beer I've had that night. With that in mind, I think you'll agree with me here that, when I'm at a point where I say "A 24 hour AC/DC station?! Fuck yeah!", I probably shouldn't be behind the wheel of my car. As much as it kills me, I have to cancel my service because that's the only way I know to show your bosses I mean business. They call this the dollar vote and when you're shitting in my ears on radio that I PAY FOR, we've got a big problem. Your people no longer receive my dollar vote because they seem to think that AC/DC has a vast enough catalog that they can play nothing but for the next four months while you think about bringing back your punk station when you merge with Sirius. I do like my Dirty Deeds Done Dirty Cheap, but four months of it.

Well, Mr. Tumult, could we perhaps persuade you to stay with our service by offering you three free months of radio?

No you couldn't. Maybe I stuttered a minute ago, as I'm prone to do from time to time, but Fungus 53 is/was the only reason I'm interested in your service. Without that, you've got the same radio friendly bullshit I get for free coupled with a few pretentious indie stations. You can take your Death Cab For Cutie and cram it up your ass.

I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. Tumult. Is there anything we could have done here today that would have kept you with our service?

Short of apologizing for wasting my time with a fucking AC/DC station and then promptly, PROMPTLY getting my station back and sacking whoever thought it a good idea to replace Fungus with AC/DC? No, but I'm sure you won't do any of that because I'm willing to bet you guys are getting paid good money by someone for four months straight of AC/DC. You won't be seeing my money, though, until you fix this mistake. Unfortunately for you, by the time you fix the problem, I may well have already invested in an FM transmitter for my brand spanking new Zune mp3 player. Good day, sir!

said Tommy T. at 4:53 PM - #

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