Friday, May 23, 2014

So, the whole "no hesitating" new years resolution thing, not going so well. I was at the farewell party for the dude who got a better offer at another bank after 14.5 years and the girl who I've got a huge crush on was there. I've been planning on that for a couple weeks, basically since I first heard about this farewell party. I planned my wardrobe for the day around this. This girl who plays her violin on the third floor during her lunch breaks because she's part of a serious orchestra or something, she smiled at me one time, at least, I think it was meant for me. I mean, she seems to act kind of weird when I walk by her and I get all light headed when I see her and my bad arm tenses up but I don't get butterflies in my stomach anymore because that seems to not be a thing anymore. I don't know if that's a sign that I'm getting old and that just doesn't happen after a certain age. I think maybe there could be something, at least I hope so. I made it a thing to donate part of my wardrobe to Goodwill so I could get space in my closet to modernize what I wear, so I could occasionally look pretty decent at work, with a tie and everything in the hopes that maybe this girl would say "Wow! You look really nice today" while I'm getting my morning coffee from the machine because there's nothing in the world I'd like more than that at this point, even though I've never said word one to her because it's a bad idea to show the cards you hold. I'd like to live by the whole "He who dares, wins" thing, but history has shown that's bullshit and he who wins, wins. But yeah, I wanted to talk to this girl tonight and find out anything at all about her, but she was there with friends and co-workers, so I wouldn't just be engaging her, I'd be engaging them, which is more pressure than I care to deal with and there's not enough Bushmills in the place to make that easier. I totally missed my shot when she was warming up her lunch a few months ago with what looked to be corned beef leftovers from St. Patty's Day because I was embarrassed that I was eating a shitty frozen burrito because my brother, his friend and I destroyed a 5 pound corned beef, leaving few leftovers for my own lunches. And I haven't been doing well at my unwritten resolution of wanting to find the best tacqueria in the Mexican part of town because I got tired of being a single guy going to the restaurant because they always give you a shitty seat in the corner because no one wants to see the guy eating alone and my profile on the dating website which stated that I wanted companions for my search for the best tacqueria only turned up fat creepers who weren't interested in Mexican comfort food, even though there was a profile that really caught my eye because her music tastes were impeccable and her favorite foods were her mom's tamales and basically her mom's cooking. I didn't message this girl who lived in Chicago but rated her highly, hoping maybe that would do it. Her profile disappeared a week later, which made me feel pretty bad for a bit, but I got a bottle of bourbon to make a pie for the Kentucky derby, which called for a quarter cup of bourbon and what am I going to do with a bottle of bourbon but drink it?

said Tommy T. at 9:28 PM - #

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