Sunday, November 27, 2011

Hanna, you should probably not read this one because it will only annoy you and make you hate me even more and I'm doing my absolute best to not annoy you, but it's difficult to let go, particularly with my hand clamping shut like it does.

I had a dream yesterday during a nap that Hanna was in bed with me and we were talking, just hanging out like when things were okay. We were cuddling together after watching some degrassi and then I woke up terrified that I'm not going to find that again, someone who likes just hanging out. I'll admit, I'm not terribly exciting but I liked the times when we weren't doing anything at all. It felt good to have someone around that was into the same thing as I am. Yes, I do have my times right now where I'm terribly bitter and hate her for leaving me when I needed her most, but then I try to remember her voice and that calms me down until I realize I won't ever hear it again because she refuses to talk to me.

It kills me to think of her doing nothing with somebody else, watching movies cuddled up together. It makes me sick to my stomach knowing some other lucky son of a bitch gets her time and not me. If she's reading this, she'll probably think "yeah, right. You're just an asshole.", but as I type this right now, I'm getting very close to vomiting and it's not that I'm hungover because I'm surprisingly not hungover, just exceptionally lonely after trying to talk to everyone I can, which is what she last told me to do.

said Tommy T. at 7:00 PM - #

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