Wednesday, August 19, 2009

They're trying to make me feel old, reminding me that I started college about ten years ago and telling me about the whippersnappers starting this year and how they don't know who the Jolly Green Giant is. I worry for the people of Blue Earth, MN.

These youth of today, they say, have never used a card catalog to find a book. That's progress. I probably haven't used one of those since I was ten, which I guess fits in with the point they're trying to make, but still, I hated the card catalog because invariably the information on the book I was trying to find was at the end of the cards, so I'd have to pull that long shelf all the way out and hope to god I didn't spill its contents. I'm happy that they didn't bring up the Dewey decimal system, because I never figured that out, which is why I never ask the old ladies at the desk for any help. I'm always afraid they'll chop me in half for being unenlightened.

They don't understand the meaning of R.S.V.P.? These incoming freshmen sound like a rude lot. Good thing they're not invited to any of my shindigs. They've always eaten Berry Berry Kix? Poor bastards! They'll never know the goodness of C3POs or Mr. T cereal. I recall eating both, particularly Mr. T cereal while watching his cartoon and wishing I was the kid in the jean jacket with the cut off sleeves. I can still taste that cereal.

But then I look at mine. They've never dialed a phone? Please. My Grandma had a rotary phone damn near until she died. They remember when SNL was funny? Not really. Owned a trapper keeper: check, know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off": check, thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool: yeah, I had a crush on her, saw Ted Danson as a MacDaddy: fuck Ted Danson. I mean, I loved Cheers, but Ted Danson sucks. Owned pieces of the Care Bears glass collection from Pizza Hut: yes. Pondered why Smurfette was the only female Smurf: they're asexual, just like the dinosaurs on Jurassic Park. Had Swatch Watches: no, I was never as cool as Parker Lewis.

said Tommy T. at 7:03 PM - #

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