Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Now that the holiday fluff is out of the way it's time to get back down to business. Serious business.

It should probably be obvious that I got shot down gloriously by the dieing girl. If it wasn't obvious, I tell you now it happened. Hard. Same old story, "Tommy Tumult, you're a nice guy and that's not cool at all." See, that's the reason right there that I tell everyone I meet that I'm the biggest asshole in the world, in an effort to convince that I'm not one of those nice guys. Unfortunately, my facade is fairly transparent, which leads to the massive shoot downs every time. But, my attempt here was pretty half-assed. Even if I was using my whole ass, I'm sure it didn't come off that way.

As a reaction to this kind of thing, generally my prescription is to drown my sorrows in whiskey, wake up extremely hung over the next day, retching painfully and then forget it all. These days, my liver wants none of that. I still love the whiskey, but just looking at the bottle gifted to me on my birthday makes my stomach turn in terror. In its stead, I've upped the Lucky Strike intake, something I should not be doing. Unfiltered cigarettes, though they may be good enough for Holden Caulfield, aren't quite the best cure for anything in the land of Tumult. That's not to say I'm quitting anytime soon. With less than 12 years left to live, I don't give one shit about health issues, unless they intend on bringing me down before age 40.

I suppose I should have known that the dieing wanted none of this. Her celebrity crush is Steve-O and what have got on a guy that staples his nutsack to his leg or does a beer bong up his ass? I can't compete against any of that, I'm not about to staple any part of myself to any other part of myself and, when it comes to my ass, it's strictly an exit only.

One of these nights, I'm going to have to take it all down, hit that bottle of whiskey, mean mistress though she may be. It needs to be done, it begs to be done. And, unlike Sir Mick Jagger, I CAN drink you off my mind. It's on one of those massive nights that I'm able to fully clear my head, I can let it all out.

Sobriety is serious business and business isn't so good.

said Tommy T. at 9:45 AM - #

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